죽기전에 사람들이 가장 후회하는 5가지. - 브로니 웨어.Top five regrets of the dying - Bronnie Ware

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Top five regrets of the dying

 

 

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

 

• Bronnie Ware: 'Writing Top Five Regrets of the Dying has brought me to tears'

 

• How to die: five positive steps to deal with death

 

• Click here to donate to the National Council for Palliative Care

The top five regrets of the dying

 

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy

 

 

Susie Steiner

 

 

Wed 1 Feb 2012 11.49 GMT

 

https://bit.ly/2Kpo0Op

 

 

 

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

 

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

 

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

 

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

 

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

 

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

 

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

 

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

 

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

 

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing Top Five Regrets of the Dying has brought me to tears

When carer Bronnie Ware wrote a blog in 2009 listing the five things that most haunted her terminally ill patients, she had no idea it would become an internet sensation – and transform her life

 

• Top five regrets of the dying

'It gives people permission to change direction' …Bronnie Ware 

‘It gives people permission to change direction’ … Bronnie Ware Photograph: Guardian

 

Homa Khaleeli

Sun 16 Nov 2014 17.00 GMT

 

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It’s the article that refused to … well, die. In November 2009, songwriter Bronnie Ware started a blog, gently musing about travel, the natural world and, oddly, possums. But her fourth post changed her life. Drawing on the eight years she spent as a live-in carer for terminally ill patients, she wrote about the five recurring themes that haunted many of the people she cared for. She called it Regrets of the Dying.

 

She was pleasantly surprised when she started getting emails from strangers commenting on it. But it wasn’t until a year later that she realised how popular it had become – her website statistics showed that a million people had read it. From that point, the blog took on a life of its own and by 2012, more than eight million people had read the post. She wrote a memoir based on it, which was translated into 27 languages, and became a motivational speaker. When the Guardian wrote about the book and the blog that started it, the article popped up on the website’s most-read list, and two years later it is still there, with more than 6.5m page views to date.

 

Today, Ware has stopped counting her readers. But with her second book out, Your Year for Change, she says she has some theories about its wild popularity. The fact it is so short helps, she admits – just 792 words. “It is simple, and straight to the point,” she tells me from her home in Australia. “I could have made it seven or eight regrets, but when I got down to it I realised they were the same regrets but from a different angle.”

 

 

She believes the voice of those facing death has a gentle authority because confronting our own mortality reminds us that we “only have a limited time to live the life we choose ourselves”.

 

More importantly, she believes it “gives people permission to change direction. That’s what it triggers – it’s a wakeup call and gives them permission to change tack”. Because while the regrets are hardly unexpected (wishing you had lived the life you wanted, that you hadn’t worked so hard, that you had expressed your feelings, stayed in touch with friends and let yourself be happier), Ware says it has had a huge impact.

 

“I have been brought to tears by the stories people have shared – others have made me cheer,” she says. “Gay guys coming out to their families, people quitting their jobs to follow the path they always wanted. People leaving relationships or going into them.”

 

Not everyone is convinced. Critics – including commentators on the Guardian website – claimed the advice was flaky or self-indulgent, and have taken issue with the idea that working hard is necessarily negative. But Ware says that while her article does not pretend to be based on scientific research, it is “based on years of observation” and on the conversations that came up again and again with patients – many of whom were anxious to pass on details of how they felt.

 

“I was with dying people who said to me: ‘Please share my message so others learn by my mistakes,’” she says. She disagrees that the regrets are self-indulgent, pointing out that being happier benefits those around you.

 

Ware thinks the article may continue to find new readers for a long time: “As long as there is a denial about death on a societal level, there will always be a need for these little subtle messages.” And one thing is clear in her own life: “The blog is not a regret, for sure!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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